It all feels like an unending to-do list
I have always loved writing in any form, whether publicly or privately. Writing helped me relax, enjoy the little things, and reflect on my life while smiling or grinning at the advancement or lack thereof. But recently, life—all of life—has seemed like an endless to-do list. There were several things I used to enjoy doing that balanced me and made me feel like myself, but they now feel like another item on my todo list. These things used to be things I got to do; they seemed like an opportunity, and I enjoyed doing them, but now they seem more like a responsibility. Listening to sermons, podcasting, writing, journaling, video games, creating content, and many other activities. They used to be things I did without any sort of responsibility, but now it seems like if I do not do them, they determine how productive or ineffective I have been. I used to only write on Medium when I was feeling something or trying to understand a concept, but now seeing write a medium story on my todo list haunts me daily, and I have made writing on here a success metric for my life. In previous seasons, I simply made time to listen to sermons, but now the challenge is in making time, and the week that passes without hearing at least one sermon is the week I beat myself up the most. I question my progress, such as "Are you even growing? What are you doing? Were you that busy? However, the weeks where I am able to accomplish all of these are the ones where I am most productive.
The problem is that I am not even sure if this tension is normal or not or if it results from taking pride in your consistency. Nevertheless, it is my reality. These may be some of the changes that come with the changing of the seasons in life. The pace of life quickens, and productivity takes over as the dominant factor. As my life becomes busier, I want to be able to see and feel progress, so perhaps these are some of the season's ramifications. But my question is, how do I maintain a sense of balance during this season? or Do i just keep going? I have learned through experience that if I do not find things that give me a sense of balance, I tend to get very irritable, which is unfair to those around me. So do you have any tricks you can share? What has worked for you? Is it possible to get back that sense of wonder I had at the earlier stage of doing this stuff? Is this how it usually goes? Has that feeling passed, and has commitment replaced it? Maybe, maybe not.
I guess this is why people say stuff like “Never stop being a learner”. When you first start something new or learn a new skill, you have that sense of being a learner and you enjoy the process of making mistakes. However, as you advance and come to see yourself as an "expert" or when you have successfully incorporated these things into your life and schedule, it is likely that it ceases to be something you get to do and becomes something you have to do. You start to lose your initial awe, and then you start to build consistency. I guess. So maybe the next thing will be to keep learning. Never stop learning. Learn new things, build new experiences. So maybe the challenge for the new month will be to find the new wonder. Go back to the process of learning something new.
Selah.
