Embracing My To-Do List Brain
I suppose this has to be a follow-up to my previous letter, though I’m not entirely sure why I labelled it as such. Let’s just keep it as a letter to myself for now.
Spoiler alert: My schedule didn’t decrease or even remain the same; it skyrocketed. More life happenings, increased responsibilities to family and friends—it's safe to say my plate is overflowing. One thing that tends to stress me out is my own introspection about why I am the way I am.
For instance, my brain seems to operate in a perpetual state of creating to-do lists. If there’s a task to be done, my brain incessantly reminds me of it until I reach a conclusion about that task — whether to complete it or dismiss it. My brain insists on registering it as “done.” The issue with this is that I spend a lot of time in my head, constantly preoccupied with thoughts of “What’s next?” or “What am I forgetting?” It’s as if I have an unending to-do list swirling around in my mind. I’ve even caught myself turning everything, even leisure activities like playing games, into tasks to be ticked off my mental checklist. It can be quite comical, really!
On some days, I revel in the adrenaline rush of completing tasks, while on others, I find myself wondering why I can’t be more like other people who seem to let things slide, adopting a “que sera, sera” approach to life. As a Christian, this inner turmoil affects my faith. I understand that there’s a fundamental trust that some things are beyond our control and are best left in God’s capable hands. However, as a self-proclaimed “todo list connoisseur,” you can probably imagine me trying to manipulate situations, attempting to expedite processes just so I can tick them off my list a bit faster. Alas, my God doesn’t always operate on my timetable. He is who He says He is, after all.
The real issue here is that I’ve dedicated far too much time to self-critique and questions like, “How can I find a balance?” or “What can I do to improve?” have left me feeling somewhat inadequate for simply being myself. I’ve come to realize that this self-critique no longer serves me well. So, for the next quarter, I’ve decided to embrace my peculiar nature with all my heart and see what difference it makes.
This letter is also an open invitation to anyone whose brain functions in a similar manner. How do you strike a balance? What strategies have you employed to harmonize your mind’s insistent need for order with the unpredictability of life? Let’s have a conversation.
I’ll return with updates in December. Until then, Selah.
